I’m sticking my neck out here and fully expecting a few unsubscribes this week.
Because I’m going to make things a bit uncomfortable for a few minutes :/
(Just warning you!)
And just so you know, this is something I’m totally guilty of as well.
So, watch or read on to join me in this awkward conversation!
Here’s the thing.
I’ve had a lot of conversations with parents over the past week while I ran my Exam Special webinar event, and while some were totally diving into the content and telling me about ways their teen has already enacted it the very next day, for others… there was some resistance.
And it may not immediately be recognisable as that, but that’s exactly what it is.
Resistance.
And I’m pretty sure there’ll be many more parents out there feeling the same thing, so I want to address it head on.
When they were talking about their teen getting the study skills they know they need, or getting the full training on exam technique, some would say things like,
“Well, we’ll just see how the rest of Year 11 goes first, and then we might look at doing something next year”
Or
“I think I’ll get him an English tutor for now and then if his confidence doesn’t improve, then maybe I’ll get him on to watch this webinar next time you run one.”
And I totally get this situation…
The concepts and training I teach go beyond the accepted traditions of learning more content and having subject-based tutors.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of those, if you know that understanding specific subject knowledge is the thing holding your teen back.
BUT – and here’s the part that can be challenging for ALL of us… if those
“I’ll just do this first”, or “I’ll just wait until” statements and stories we’re telling ourselves are actually,
(if we really dig deep and get really honest with ourselves), just excuses to put off what we know we really need to be doing,
or help us put off accepting the uncomfortable truth of things…
then they’re not only not helping, they’re actually holding us back.
They’re holding you back from experiencing a life of less worry or concern over your teen and their study.
And stopping your teen from finding out what they’re truly capable of and discovering that confidence and pride that’s inside but hasn’t had a chance to break free and be experienced YET…
I did this myself in a big way back at the start of this year.
I held myself back and – #confession – I held other teachers back, and students back.
Yep, I said this was uncomfortable…
Believe me, it’s not fun writing this down in public.
But I recognise it now. And that’s the thing…
It can be hard for us to really see this clearly for ourselves at the time, but on reflection, it’s SO clear to see.
But only once we’ve taken the action we’ve been avoiding.
So here’s my confession…
I had plans to create an online program for schools to deliver to their students, similar to my 10 Week Grade Transformation Program.
In fact I’d had this plan in my head for about a year before I did anything about it. Because I know that many teachers aren’t aware of the importance of exam technique – I certainly wasn’t until I became an exam marker in the UK, even though I’d already been teaching for 4 years and even won a national teaching award by that point!
Anyway, I already knew that schools needed this, teachers needed this, and although I was already training students in this in my online programs, I wanted to be able to help as many students as possible and working with schools is one way to increase the number of students I can help.
I was already delivering in-school workshops, but making the program was a big project and then putting it out there and marketing it was, psychologically, an even bigger step. It’s a lot more corporate than the way I share my knowledge and programs with parents, like I do with you, and I’m not from a corporate background.
So, I decided: I needed to read a few books to prepare and equip myself for this.
One of them was the famous ‘Dare to Lead’ by Brene Brown.
I looked up the ones I thought I wanted and needed online and added them to cart. It quickly came to over 200 bucks. And I was like, ‘hmm, that’s more than I was expecting’.
Now, of course, on reflection, for those people’s wisdom and teaching, it TOTally isn’t a lot of money; but that was the first step in me holding back, right?!
It had nothing to do with the money. What it really meant was: if I didn’t order the books, I couldn’t read them and therefore I couldn’t start on the schools project yet.
Urgh, it seems so crazy now, but yes, if I really dig deep, that’s what was going on.
I was just putting more self-inflicted hurdles in my path to delay the uncomfortable tasks I wanted to do, but also was avoiding doing.
Yep, crazy alright!
#primitivebrain
So, guess what I did next…
I looked the books up on the council library database*
(so I could save myself 200 bucks of course – but ACTUALLY so I could delay the process juuuust a bit longer!).
*Positive side note – this was the start of me re-discovering how awesome libraries are! Almost all of them were on the database!
So I requested all the books and then waited for weeks, some of them for months til they became available.
One of them I was really keen to read, but when it actually came through, it sat on my shelf for the entire two weeks.
I didn’t even open it.
Why?
Because I ‘didn’t have time’.
I was working on other things, I was coaching students, I was planning and delivering monthly student seminars to my GTZ Members, I was training with the QCAA to become an examiner and panel member for the new Senior Exam System… there’s always PLENTY to fill my time with.
Of course I could’ve MADE time, but two weeks later, I returned it.
Hadn’t even opened it.
In the mean time,
one of my good friends called me out on all this.
And THANKS GOODNESS she did!
That’s the kind of friendship we have.
We massively support each other but we also know when to challenge each other – in a helpful way.
I think that’s a rare type of friendship, but it’s so valuable and I feel very lucky to have it.
Anyway, she asked me what I’m really waiting for.
She’s a high school teacher herself and told me how much her school and her students needed this info and training.
We talked about my conversations with parents like you who’ve asked me in wonderment why schools don’t teach this stuff.
She told me about the money her school was already spending on a program nowhere near as good as what I had planned.
And then she asked the waitress for a pen and started writing my to-do list on a serviette.
With dates and deadlines.
(You can see why we’re friends) 😉
I still have those notes.
And I agreed to, as Nike says – just do it.
Now, I still wanted to ensure things would work perfectly – or very close to – I’ve never had anything go 100% perfectly – and so my small Rock Solid team and I decided we’d launch to a small sample of schools, so we could make sure we could deliver everything at a really high level and iron out any issues easily.
And then we got to work.
A month or so into progress, guess what popped up.
Yep, the notification that the ‘Dare to Lead’ book I’d had on reservation for months was now ready for me at the library.
I collected it.
I read a few pages.
But it wasn’t really connecting or resonating.
It wasn’t what I was hoping it would be.
Although I’m actually not totally sure exactly what I WAS hoping for or expecting. Super-hero powers, unicorn glitter maybe?
So I skipped ahead and dove into a couple of chapters I liked the sound of.
Still wasn’t doing much for me.
I’m sure the book is great.
It’s had rave reviews.
It’s just not what I needed right then.
And that’s fine – because I’d already started.
I’d taken the leap (with a loving push on the backside!).
But could you imagine if I’d waited
til I’d read those books before I got started on the project?
I’d be here now, still not started.
Because I still haven’t read those books.
The schools who are running my online program right NOW (yep, it’s out there and everything’s running great!) wouldn’t have that info and training to deliver to their students.
Those students wouldn’t have the skills and strategies they’re learning and honing and their Term 3 results and Finals wouldn’t be as good as they’re going to be as a result of it.
So, if you’ve been thinking of taking action that’ll catapult your teen’s confidence or results,
or will make them more effective in their study,
but putting it off for whatever reason,
then I’d encourage you to dig deep and consider what you’re really waiting for and whether it’s really serving you or your teen.
What would it mean if they just got started now in the 10 Week Grade Transformation Program?…
What would it mean if they registered this year for the Exam Mastery Workshop?…
Rather than waiting to see how things go, wanting to try something else first, or wondering whether it will actually work.
Where will they be this time next term if you did take action and took a leap?
And like I say, I know this might feel uncomfortable.
And I know this has been a longer blog than usual!
But I can tell you that waiting or filling time with unnecessary steps is NOT the answer.
It’s not going to take away the discomfort you or your teen might currently be experiencing.
So if you need a friend that’ll give you that reality check, or the ‘firm but kind’ kick in the butt, then I’m happy to be that person 🙂
If you wanna chat about it, drop me an email and we’ll set up a time for a friendly chat on the phone,
and until next week, let’s take action to make this a fantastic week!
Katie 🙂
